I need someone to review my statements of intent for my college application. Here is the first one:
What are the core skills and knowledge you hope to acquire by completing a degree in this major and how do you plan to apply these when you graduate?

The knowledge I hope to attain by completing a Bachelor of Science in Accounting at the University of Florida is a complete understanding in the field of accounting. I also hope to absolutely understand how to apply this knowledge in the real world. The core skills I hope to acquire are the arts of analyzing, interpreting, and communicating financial information. While completing my studies at the University of Florida I plan to do an internship with an accounting firm in order to accumulate work experience and master my craft. After achieving my Bachelor of Science degree I hope to continue my studies at the Fisher School of Accounting and receive my Masters in Accounting. When I have completed, my studies I aspire to become a Certified Public Accountant. Following my certification as a public accountant, I hope to be hired by one of the four major accounting firms and specialize in forensic accountancy.

Here is the second one. I am unsure if I even answered this one right:

Please provide any other information about yourself that you feel will help this college make an admission decision. This may include work, research, volunteer activities or other experiences pertaining to the degree program.

I sincerely thank you for reviewing and considering my application. Although I do not have much work experience, it is not because I am an indolent person. My parents and I decided, when I was still in high school, that it was more important for me to work hard in school alone, then to try to juggle school with a job. I am so grateful to my parents for taking care of me and allowing me to pour all of myself into my school work. Getting an education is the most important thing in my life, everything else is secondary. If excepted by your institution, I would apply my entire self and work as hard as I could to live up to the prestige that surrounds the University of Florida.

If you have any suggestions or see any spelling/grammatical errors please bring them to my attention. What should I add, what should I delete? Also, do you think I answered the second one the right way?

Thank you so much for helping!
Thank you for your suggestions. Unfortunately, I am extremely shy and didn’t participate in any school activities. What should I put!? Oh no.

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